5 years in The Netherlands

In March I celebrated five years in The Netherlands. I felt the urge to go back in time and go deeper into what actually happened. So I read diaries and documents, went through old agenda’s and with nostalgia I watched the photo’s.

It was intense. It was something I had to do. I did all this for me but I wanted to share it. I wrote letters filled with memories and gratitude and sent them to people who were there for me during the transition. As a final I invited family for an exposition. On big sheets of paper I made an overview of all important events the last six years of my life. For them as for me the understanding of my motives and actions became more clear. It was beautiful and emotional.

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I wasn’t supposed to stay this long. I was supposed to go back before we wanted children. I was going to live in the forest. I was supposed to… The list can be made long. It still costs me a lot of energy to accept that it didn’t end up the way I wanted. But it goes better. And I know I’m not alone feeling very split between two countries, dealing with deep longing for the past. Having sparkling dreams about my native country. In this life area I still feel very lost. And I start to realize that this feeling might stay.

The Netherlands has become my home and I have friends and family here too. I wouldn’t move back to the Sweden I knew, to the Frida I used to be. Life have happened. Progress has been made. With this project that has been clear.

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One of the most important things I’ve realized is that I am one of these people who follow their hearts. I left my old life because of love. Love is what drives me. I bow to myself going through all this intensity and stress. I did it, sometimes because there was no other way and sometimes because I didn’t know any better. I trust in myself going through rough times. Although I wouldn’t mind a few stable years to come.

I can highly recommend everyone to look back a few years to see the progress. There are more things happening than what you are aware of in the present moment. It is easier to connect the dots from a distance. I can almost guarantee you will be filled with authentic pride and self respect.

 

03. juli 2015 by frida
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